Common Concerns When Considering Expanding Your Family
Growing Families Part Two
You thought the decision to have children was the biggest one you’d make. That was before you considered having another! Growing your family beyond that first child isn’t always a given. It can involve a lot of thought, worry, confusion, and anticipation. Even if you’ve never doubted having a second kid, balancing the addition to the family will take adjustment.
At Parenting Avenue, we want you to have all the support you need to make confident, informed decisions and find success on the other side! To help prepare you, we’ve discussed growing the family with one of our dedicated therapists.
Lauren Robinson of Alpenglow Mind + Body has helped us to consider and address some of the big questions parents looking to expand have to ask themselves. She’s also given us some great suggestions on how to prepare for that second child should you choose to do so!
Know this: Parenting Avenue has got you. Whatever your thoughts or struggles are right now, we are here to help. Join our community today by visiting the website.
Common Questions Parents Ask When Considering Growing the Family
We know what you’re thinking. How? Well, we’ve been there too. Especially, Lauren, she discusses the topic with her clients all the time. You want to know:
Will I be able to love this baby like I love my first?
When will I sleep?
Will I ever have time to myself?
What if my oldest resents me?
Will my partner and I ever have alone time?
How will I ever get out of the house?
Will they get along?
What if something goes wrong during pregnancy or birth?
Who will my child go with when I am in labor?
What if I have to stay in the hospital?
And that is just the beginning. What if we don’t have a second, will my child be okay without a sibling? What if I regret never having tried for a second? How will I work with two small children? It was already hard enough with one! How will this change my relationship with my partner? What about my career? Will my body ever recover?
These are all completely normal, and quite common, questions that we ask ourselves. Some have answers. Some don’t. Some of the answers won’t reveal themselves until later. Just know, you are not alone. There are no easy answers because they are not easy questions. But no matter what, there are no wrong answers.
Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling
If you decide that growing your family is the path for you—we’ve got you! We want to set you up for success, and part of that means preparing your little one to be the big sibling! Here are a few of the tips Lauren recommends to prep your child for the new addition:
Read books about becoming a big sib & the arrival of a new baby.
Pretend! Grab a newborn doll and play act with your child, performing “new baby tasks” like, diaper changes, feeding and bathing the baby, and putting the baby down for a nap.
Include your child in preparations for the baby! Decorate the nursery, set up furniture and baby items like swings, floor mats, bassinets, etc.
In addition, if you’re planning on moving your toddler to a “big kid bed” or potty training them, attempt those transitions 3-4 months prior to the new baby’s arrival.
There is no doubt that this new chapter in your family’s life is going to be challenging, but with some prep it is survivable. Spend a little time with your child letting them ask all of the questions they’d like. Listen to their thoughts and hopes about the new baby. Maybe even jot some of those down so that when the baby comes, you can remind Big Sib of all the things they wanted to do with them.
Getting Ready for the New Addition
We can’t say it enough: Preparation sets you up for success! Of course, once the new little one is here, you’re going to be way too busy to prep, so you might as well get what you can done now. For instance:
Spend plenty of one on one time with your toddler and your partner. Spare time will be slim soon!
Identify the resources you may need to rely on and make reaching out easy. For instance: Parenting Avenue support groups, postpartum doula, lactation consultant, sleep consultant, mental health support, pelvic floor physical therapist, childcare & babysitters, food delivery, support for household duties, etc.
Create baskets of toys and activities that the big sib only gets to play with while the new sib is feeding or sleeping.
Plan care for your child during the delivery. If it can be someone they deeply trust and take comfort in, that would be ideal.
We are never completely ready, and this time is a bit of a whirlwind even before it included a big sib lovebugs needs. Any prep that you can do will only give you more stability and confidence when things start getting crazy.
When the New Baby Arrives
It is time! Take all your preparation and put it into action! However, be aware that the universe does tend to laugh at our plans—so stay flexible. And remember, lean on your village. We support our community. Now is the time to ask for help whenever you need it.
To continue all of the work you’ve put in to set your family up for success, you can:
Give the big sib a role in daily tasks and activities with the baby or have them act out their role with their baby doll. They will feel a part of the organism that is your family.
Keep the big sib in childcare when possible. This gives them a break from everything being about the new baby. They get independence. You get some time to focus on the newborn without the guilt.
Reach out to the support system you’ve built. Your community wants to help! Welcome dinners from friends, offers to babysit from family, and more. People are offering because they care.
Use your resource list! It is absolutely okay to need help. And every emotion you’re feeling—it’s normal. It can be hard to find the resources you need, but once you do, don’t be afraid to use them. Additionally, Parenting Avenue is an asset when it comes to assistance finding support.
You’ve got this. And we’ve got you! Don’t shy away from the support of your community right now. Everything that you are doing is hard, but you’re tougher than you’ll ever know. And together, we will get this parenting thing done well!
Lean On Your Parent Support & Social Group
The choice to grow your family is a personal one. No one can tell you what to do, and no one should ever judge you (can everyone hear me in the back?!). Just know that your community at Parenting Avenue supports whatever decision you make. And we are ready to help you get there.
Invest in your own health and happiness and, consequently, that of your family. Visit the Parenting Avenue website for more information and to fill out a survey. We will set you up with the parent support group that is right for you.
And thank you to Lauren Robinson for her helpful advice. Be sure to check out our other pieces in this series:
Growing Families: The Beginning
Growing Families Part Three: Sleep Success When Expanding Your Family
Check out our blog for more thoughts and information on all things parenting!
