Parenting from the Potty
Isn’t it nuts how parenting teaches us that absurdity and authenticity can live together in the same moment? I just read Eli McAdams’ blog post “Pooping Together”, and though it starts off with a funny anecdote about accidentally staring into your child’s eyes while you poop together (true story), she ends up ruminating on our seeming loss of autonomy and freedom in parenthood.
This really got me thinking. I feel like parenting is full of things you don’t necessarily want to do, but it’s part of your parental responsibility, so you suck it up and do it. Potty training is on the top of the list for me.
When it comes to these types of tasks, my personality dictates that I either make a game out of it, or I lay down the foundation so early and so well that when we finally implement it—we’re set up for success and everything goes smoothly. Needless to say, my daughter, much like the universe, laughs at our plans. She has her own. (Still, it can’t hurt to be prepared!)
Anyway, we got Jade a little toilet to sit on when we are restrooming—just so she can get the feel for the ritual. The first time we used it, I put her on her toilet (fully dressed, of course, no need to wrestle at this point!), then I sat on mine. I made the ASL sign for peeing and said it too. She smiled and waved her hands around, enjoying this new adventure immensely.
“It’s time to wipe!” I say, as I give her a square of toilet paper. I wipe myself and tell her to wipe as well.
She made a face, one I’ll never forget. It was as if to say, “Uh…okay, Mom. If you say so.” And she reached up to try and wipe me!
“Oh no, no, no, baby, no, no! You wipe yourself, my love!” Oh geez. Sigh.
This was not the only awkward (potentially damaging?) moment in our foundational potty training. Her new favorite thing to do is say, “Goodbye!” to the toilet contents and watch as we flush. I assume it was my husband who started this ridiculous (...brilliant?) tradition.
Regardless, it was quite strange for me to show Jade my…work…for the first time. No one prepared me for sharing my…toilet creations…with my child. But she doesn’t judge. She can’t compare. She’s not going to go and tell all her friends. And so here I am, showing my child the toilet water and my…accessories…and saying, “Bye-bye, wah-wah!”
There’s nothing like parenting to make us rethink every plan and reframe every previous bashful inclination we had. And, in return, we get to see life all over again—the confusion, the wonder, the joy, and the seemingly zero hangups about looking at other people’s…deposits. We think we’re teaching them about life, but really, aren’t we learning right along with them?
