Attending to All 5 Pillars of Self-care

We were so inspired when reading a recent blog by therapist Kylee Nelson on self-care that we had to put in our two cents! Her blog, called “Self Care In Motherhood” brought up aspects of self-care that we’d never thought of before.

Let’s be upfront—self-care, these days, looks like an uninterrupted shower or a trip to the store by ourselves! Did you ever think these simple tasks could feel so amazing…literally, being alone in the house or car is the most relaxing thing. Muscles unwinding rapidly at the thought of it!

However, Kylee wants us to know that there is much more to self-care than that moment of solitude. She wishes to “broaden [our] horizons” by introducing the 5 pillars of self-care.

5 Pillars of self-care

In a poll, conducted by OnePoll and Vagaro, of 2,000 Americans, the respondents listed their “preferred forms of self-care” to be things like spa/salon visits and treatments, exercising, and meditating. But what Kylee helped us realize in her blog is that those things are only scratching the surface of self-care. Actual self-care is wider and deeper than a workout or a mani/pedi.

The 5 pillars of self-care are physical, emotional, financial, relational, and pleasurable. Most of the things we immediately think of as self-care probably fall under the pleasurable or physical pillars. And yet, we can’t soothe our whole selves with just a facial or massage. Time should be spent on every one of the pillars to make sure we are thriving, healthy beings and better parents in the long run.

Physical Self-Care

“Physical self care refers to how we are caring for our physical bodies,” Kylee explains. This means our general physical health, which includes nutrition, exercise, sleep, keeping up with our doctor and dental appointments, and more. 

Kylee stresses that physical self-care and health have nothing to do with being “thin” or “losing the baby weight.” That’s something we wanted to point out too. This pillar is about how healthy your body is and whether you are taking the time to care for it. It has nothing to do with expectations of beauty.

Some examples of physical self-care are making time for a workout, meal prepping or experimenting with healthful recipes, taking time to rest when sick or tired, or prioritizing 7–9 hours of sleep per night. Listen to your body. What does it need to function and feel its best?

A trip to the mountains is both athletic and meditative!

Running first thing in the morning.

Emotional Self-Care

“Emotional self care refers to our mental health and wellbeing.” This is our favorite one! This is doing the work, the hard work, that builds you up, that fulfills you. Journal, talk to a therapist, join a new parent support group, or meditate. What makes you feel mentally and emotionally strong? Do that! For some, that’s reading a good parenting or self-help book. Maybe it’s getting those good brain chemicals from a workout. Or it could be taking your medication. Whatever it is, finding that mentally balanced place will help you be strong, sensitive, and present for yourself and then for your partner and child.

Reflecting on my day, my thoughts, and my choices addresses my emotional self.

Making pasta becomes a meditative task that I look forward to!

Financial Self-Care

We had never once thought about financial self-care, but now that Kylee pointed it out, we aren’t sure how we’ve been operating without taking it into account. 

Financial self care encompasses our feelings about money, our ability to live within our means, paying off debt quickly or with a plan, communicating with our partner/significant other about money and spending money on things that you enjoy without guilt. 

-Kylee Nelson

How many sleepless nights do you spend worrying about money? How many arguments have you had about priorities and splurges? How many times have you been nervous to discuss money with your partner? If any of these sound familiar, financial self-care is a pillar that you need to devote some time to.

Getting to a secure place financially so we can save for something fun.

Talk to a therapist or a financial planner. Make a point to sit down with your partner once a month to look at the budget and discuss strategies, needs, and wants. And when they’re old enough, teach your kids how to maintain good financial health.

Relational Self-Care

“Relational self care is all about how we are engaging and feeling about our relationships.” This is a wonderful facet of self-care because it is about nurturing your relationships with friends, family, partners, children, coworkers, etc. It is important to spend quality time with those you love and value. 

But here’s another aspect of relational self-care that you might not be paying enough attention to—boundaries. When I had my daughter, I suddenly felt empowered to set healthy boundaries in my relationships. I hadn’t had that type of confidence before parenthood. However, boundaries are in flux and need repeated attention and adjustment.

Spending time with family and friends.

For your relational self-care practice, prioritize time spent with your loved ones. Find new ways to grow closer, give love, and receive love from your family and friends. Give your relationships your full attention. Get off your phone, look people in the eye, and listen completely.

Pleasurable Self-Care

Okay! Here’s the one everyone has been waiting for! This is by far the least important of the self-care pillars, and yet, it is the most thrilling, isn’t it? Get that pamper treatment at the spa, or go for a long walk under the autumn leaves. Make and enjoy some chocolate chip cookies, take a bubble bath, or take a vacation! Have a little lovin’ time with the one you love. Go skiing or swimming or hiking or…whatever gives you pleasure, man!

Making homemade whipped cream for my morning coffee!

Reading a page-turner while the kids have cartoon time.

Now That We Know…

Kylee makes a wonderful point at the end of her blog: “One thing you may have noticed while reading through these is that some things feel like they could go in multiple categories - and you’re right!” Making sure that your self-care is complete doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be doing five different things. If you love to go on family hikes at the weekend, you could be hitting on physical, emotional, relational, and pleasurable self-care in one afternoon.

What we were inspired to do was experiment with these new thoughts on self-care. We want to make sure we are touching on a bit of each when planning our care. We also want to pay attention when one area seems to be going unaddressed. It truly is a case of the more you know, the better you can be.

Thank you, Kylee, for the inspiring blog! Now, what is your favorite self-care activity? What pillars of self-care does it touch on?